Is yours a happy toddler?

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

A happy toddler...

While you're busy disciplining your toddler or attempting to make sense of those tantrums, does the following thought come to mind -

Is my toddler truly happy?

It's a thought that frequently creeps into my mind. How do I raise a happy toddler? Where do I begin? Am I on the right track?

The best predictors of happiness, according to experts, are internal. That's why it is important to help kids develop a set of inner tools they can rely on throughout life. It's reassuring to find out that one does not have to be an expert to impart such strength to a child. Any parent can lay the groundwork for a lifetime of happiness with some patience and flexibility.

First Step - Discovering the signs 
A toddler's emotions have become more complex. His ability to control them is growing stronger. Generally a happy child is one who smiles, plays, socialises and is curious, stimulated. But of course, if you have a naturally shy or introverted child, doesn't mean they're unhappy. Experts say parents have to work hard at reading the signs so as to not miss any major changes in their toddler's behaviour.

Each toddler has his or her way of showing you when they're going through a rough time. Some withdraw, others throw tantrums while others become overly clingy. Get to know your toddler and you'll become better at learning the signs.

I was happy to discover the following guidelines on how to raise a happy child -

FUN!

Your toddler knows what makes her happy – it's you! Be ready to connect with your child; play with them. Play is when children invent, create and daydream. Play creates joy. Join in!

Encourage talent

Happy people are those who have mastered a skill. Therefore, when your child learns something new like catching a ball, he learns to do so from his mistakes, develops persistence and experiences the joy of succeeding because of his own efforts.

Experts want parents to let go - “Let them struggle, figure out things on their own, because it allows them to learn how to cope. Don't try to fix things.”

Your role as a parent is to help them find a solution, not provide it for them. They will learn that no matter what happens, they can find a solution. They bask in the recognition from others for the success of their endeavours. Through the entire exercise, your toddler will discover he has some control over his life.

I find this to be especially true. Ayanna has spent the last week mastering the art of somersaults. I admit at first I was a little anxious about possible injuries, etc. But I gave in and watched her struggle, tumble and eventually succeed. And how immensely satisfied and happy that made her.

Healthy bodies

Plenty of sleep, exercise, and a healthy diet are important to a child's well-being. Just running around outside rather than being cooped up indoors helps children with their moods. I watch Ayanna's face light up whenever we head outdoors and so, I make it a point to take her to the park or playground.

More on this later...

To smack or not to

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

As a child, I've experienced my fair share of smacks. As a parent, I choose not to smack as I believe that children refrain from repeating an act mainly out of fear when physical force is used. Instead of differentiating between right and wrong, they only learn to differentiate between what they get smacked for and don't get smacked for.

According to experts, smacking is just not effective. It sets a violent example and may cause injury. Those who are smacked tend to use physical force against their peers. Smacking also denies children the opportunity to learn alternative, less hurtful ways of dealing with anger and frustration. It also represents the abuse of power by 'someone big and powerful' against a very 'small, weak' individual.

Smacking is downright demeaning and humiliating to both parent and child. A child's self-esteem suffers.

Some experts believe that a smack on the hand or the bottom may be necessary in a dangerous situation in order to get an important message across to a child too young to understand words. The idea is not to inflict pain but to quickly call their attention to the seriousness of the situation. Once a toddler shows that they understand what you say, experts say physical force is no longer justifiable even when safety is an issue.

Where do you stand on this matter?

Discipline – A Spoonful of Sugar...

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

Experts say opt for the win win situation – sometimes it's the road we take and at other times, we opt for less desirable ways to get our toddlers to do what we want them to. I'm guilty – as I stand in the bathroom at the end of the day urging Ayanna to get into her bath, I sometimes resort to threats (i.e. “If you don't take your bath right now, we won't read later”). I'm not proud of it.

Humour usually works well. It can be brought into a variety of disciplinary situations. This evening when Ayanna was refusing to take her bath, Mummy pretended to be a dog giving the orders. It worked but it's not always what comes to mind especially if time is a factor. Using laughable lyrics when Ayanna refuses to dress up helps. We sing “Do you put your shirt on your elbow, on your elbow....” - not only does it get her involved, it generates plenty of giggles. The more outrageous the lyrics the more likely she is to be distracted making anything from shampooing and washing happen without a squabble.

I'm sure Marry Poppins will approve...

How do you handle similar situations?

Discipline...

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

With Ayanna testing the limits so often, I can't help but wonder how and what discipline is. Is there a right or wrong method? One thing I know smacking is not my thing. More on that later but for now, let's explore discipline; what and how it is like to discipline a toddler.

When we think discipline, the first image that comes to mind is that of punishment, threats and anger. Funnily the word discipline, means to teach.

Why is it so important to discipline a toddler -

• to instill an understanding of the concept of right and wrong

• to plant the seeds of self-control

• to teach respect for the rights and feelings of others

• to increase your child's chances of growing up a happy adult (since the real world is full of rules)

When it comes to discipline, I constantly remind myself that

• every child is different, each circumstance is different so I would have to treat each individually.

• I cant' rely on a toddler's obedience as they're not old enough to understand what is safe/ not.

• It is important to let Ayanna know that even when her behaviour may not lovable, she is still loved.

• I will not be extreme in my method of discipline: too much parental policing or overly permissive styles can leave toddlers feeling unloved.

• Consistency is important so I try to enforce the same limits all the time.

• Following up is important as toddlers rely on repetition to remember.

• A no is necessary but I try to provide an alternative. For example, “You can't play with Mummy's books but let's read your favourite book together.”

• Ayanna needs to be allowed to make mistakes as she learns and explores.

• Praising and rewarding her with love and affection is always important especially when it involves good behaviour.

• Ayanna needs to be treated with respect – I use the polite words with Ayanna just as she is expected to use it, offer simple explanations and listen to her.

Setting limits that are fair and enforcing them firmly but lovingly is the key. Tailor your style to the situation as well as your child.

What are your discipline methods? How effective are they – care to share?

More on this later.

Selamat Hari Raya

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

Here's wishing everyone a Selamat Hari Raya

Keep reading

- Ayanna-

 

 

25th month

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

The 25-month old - curious and explorative

Ayanna turned 25 months a couple of days ago. She's gradually moving out of her comfort zones, exploring further. She's communicating much more – stringing several words together to make complete sentences. Ayanna is also able to carry on a conversation for longer these days (2-3 sentences). Ayanna is able to follow simple commands. She has mastered several nursery rhymes. Her favourites include Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, Baa Baa Black Sheep, Are you Sleeping, Row Row Row Your Boat and more. She can recite her ABCs and numbers 1-10.

She is also able to wash her hands and dry them on her own; put her shoes on (though they do, sometimes, get on the wrong foot ); brush her teeth with some help; and can identify her friends by name (especially those she meets often).

My toddler is also constantly testing our limits. It can be quite upsetting at times even though we know that's precisely what a toddler does. Exploring endlessly and pushing the limits along the way is how toddlers learn what's acceptable and what's not. We're using 'No' more often these days – a necessary and important word. It's the only way Ayanna's going to know what the rules are . No long-winded explanations required; just quick, to the point and clear messages about her behavior. Sometimes we find a simple explanation does go a long way in helping her see why certain behaviours are not acceptable. Throughout we try to keep the tone firm yet warm and encouraging.

More on dealing with tantrums...

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

These following tips have worked when dealing with Ayanna's tantrums. It may just work for you too...

Speaking softly and in a gentle tone shows that you, the parent, are in control. It helps your toddler regain composure.

Refrain from arguing or reasoning during a tantrum. Express empathy.

Try holding your toddler - it quickly dissolves the anger. Holding can turn into a hug as control and composure are regained.

Try distraction- Ayanna is particularly receptive to distraction. And before you know it, everything is peachy again.

Sometimes ignoring a tantrum may be the best solution. However, this is not advisable when you're out. So far Ayanna's not thrown a major tantrum in public. Phew! Can't wait for these tantrums to run their course.

How do you deal with your toddler's tantrums?

Tantrums

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

Sometimes it can happen so quick, you're hardly prepared. Other times you tell yourself you should have seen it coming. And sometimes it stops as abruptly as it starts. Oh those tantrums – they give me quite a headache.

 

A tantrum at work

One moment it's all sweetness and smiles and suddenly your toddler transforms. But as any parent of a toddler will tell you, tantrums are normal. They're part of a toddler's life – a normal part of growing up. Toddlers aren't bad, they're simply acting their age.

There are tons of reasons for a toddler's tantrums. Here are some of the more common ones:

The need to release frustration.

The need to express their feelings, needs and wishesThe need to assert themselves– Ayanna typically reacts when decisions are made for her, when she feels a lack of control on her life. That's when she sees the need to assert her independence.

Hunger. Exhaustion, over stimulation, boredom (very common triggers)

Prevention is the best defense.

Be sure to give your child enough opportunity to let off steam – encourage them to express themselves verbally or help them out in doing so.

Tailor your toddler's life to his or her personality – We keep to regular routines to reduce the risk of tantrums.

Avoid letting your toddler go for long stretches without food – We carry nutritious snacks wherever we go just in case the little one gets hungry.

Relax the rules a bit – Mummy tries not to be over-controlling. We try to reduce the need to say no. When possible we say yes or try negotiating, which works with Ayanna. We provide her with choices, letting her choose a book to read or a dress to wear.

Happy Merdeka

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

A happy Merdeka to all Malaysians.

:)

Mummy, Daddy & Ayanna

 

 

Prevention is better than cure

Posted by: Sharmila Rajah Post(s) by this blogger

 

With every sneeze, I get anxious – I monitor Ayanna's temperature and keep a vigil through the night.

Recently Ayanna developed a fever and flu. I panicked, rushing to the doctors the very next day. We were told it was an upper respiratory infection that could be caused by Influenza A, H1N1 or any other virus, etc. All we were to do was to monitor Ayanna to see if the fever or cough worsened. It's been two weeks now – the fever is no longer and Ayanna is certainly better.

It's certainly a rather difficult time for most parents especially with children below 5, who make up the high risk group. I closely monitor Ayanna and rush her to the doctors at the slightest surge in temperature. I'm still uncertain as to which hospitals conduct tests or how severe a case should be before a test is conducted.

For now, prevention seems the best option - We're never out without our wipes or our hand sanitizer; we've since stopped going to crowded places especially during the weekends; we practice frequent hand washing; we boost our natural immune system with foods that are rich in Vitamin C and take a vitamin supplement.

H1N1, like other Influenza A viruses, only infects the upper respiratory tract and proliferates there. The only portals of entry are the nostrils, mouth/ throat (it's especially risky with a young child whose fingers always seem to find their way into the mouth/ nose).